


aftermath

by kogxnes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blowjobs, Bottom Keith, Degradation, Dom/sub, Face Slapping, Handcuffs, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Pining Keith (Voltron), Praise Kink, Rough Sex, Shiro has PTSD, Slapping kink, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, Unsafe Sex, broganes, handjobs, he likes them both ok he is a polyamorous boy with a big heart, keith pining after hunk and lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:05:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogxnes/pseuds/kogxnes
Summary: He’d been on a dating app - he couldn't remember which one, he had too many.A picture of Lance and Hunk had come up, their bio simply saying ‘kinky couple looking for a third’. Keith, ever the impulsive, emotion-driven masochist, had briefly weighed the pros and cons before swiping yes.OREverything comes down to the aftermath, in the end.





	1. kinky couple looking for a third

**Author's Note:**

> a few notes about shiro; 
> 
> \- he is keith's brother in this fic, it won't be specified whether they are related through blood or through adoption because it doesn't matter. they are five years apart, i know in canon they are seven but eh! what can you do! this is an au
> 
> \- he is trying his best and any mean comments about how he's being selfish to keith or a bad brother will be deleted bc that's my boy and i love him, thank you so much
> 
> \- his ptsd is based off my experiences as someone with ptsd. yea, maybe i wrote it a little more extreme than it is shown in the show, but shiro is a very important comfort character to me, so i wrote his experience with ptsd very based off my experience. please keep that in mind. ptsd affects someone's entire life, and i truly believe that he is only "coping" so well in the show because he has no other choice.
> 
> \- it won't ever be mentioned what happened to him or where he was for that year in this fic, a) cause im lazy and b) trauma is trauma it doesn't matter what it is

Keith had been running his entire life. 

Since his discipline issues in high school.

Since being moved from his home country. 

Since his parents died when he was five years old. 

He’d been running.

He was good at it - both figuratively and literally - he had incredible agility and speed, and a brilliant method of pushing people away. That is, if he ever became close enough to someone to have to push them away. Which happened very rarely. He was the sulky, sullen loner, it was his thing. He wasn't sure when or how it had become his thing, but it was, and he didn't have the time or energy to focus on how unhappy it made him to be labelled as such.

He hadn't had friends for years; a girl in high school put up with him for awhile, but once he was expelled, she dropped contact. He didn't blame her for it, it'd probably be pretty embarrassing staying friends with the local neighbourhood dropout, especially when considering everyone in their neighbourhood hated him. In the weeks leading up to his expulsion, Keith had become argumentative and impatient and handsy. Extremely handsy. He’d given a black eye to half the boys in his year by the time he was expelled - though, to be fair, most of them had it coming. I mean, who the fuck is dumb enough to yell slurs at the kid who’s brother just died? The kid sitting alone glaring at everyone? 

So, anyway. Fast forward a year or two. Shiro, as it happens, isn't dead. But he’s pretty messed up. Keith had been planning to go back and finish his final year of school so that he could go to university. Why not, right? With the money his parents had left him when they died finally available now that he’d turned eighteen, he had so many opportunities.

But when Shiro returns Keith is up so late every night. Shiro keeps having these nightmares where he wakes up screaming and crying and shaking, and Keith is the only other person in the house, so he has to go in and calm him down. It gets to a point where they end up sharing the bed, because that way Keith can tell when the nightmare is happening and wake Shiro up from it rather than dealing with the aftermath. Although, it feels kind of cruel putting it that way, because Shiro has no choice _but_ to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him. Everything comes down to the aftermath, in the end. Keith hasn't slept in his own bed since he was eighteen. 

He didn't go back to finish school. It felt all too much like returning to a crime scene. He was so different from the boy he was then; younger Keith had a fire, a passion in him. Something to spur him along - something that made him punch boys who called him names. Maybe that was still in him, somewhere, buried under life’s responsibilities and the burden of growing up so fast. But he didn't have time to find it, wasn't sure he even wanted to. 

He ends up working at a coffeeshop nearby. Started working there at twenty years old and he’s surrounded by children. Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen year olds. The oldest person there is their manager and she’s only twenty five. Younger than Shiro. Younger than Shiro, but Keith bets she doesn't sleep in a bed with her younger brother. _Shut up, Kogane. Being mean about your traumatised brother in your head isn't helping you become a better person._

The first two years at the coffeeshop are uneventful. Employees come and go, customers are impatient and lovely and horrible somehow all at the same time, but Keith is daydreaming through all of it. If Keith at seventeen was red, then Keith at twenty two would be grey. He feels like nothing, and he is nothing. He’s no one. He _has_ no one. He has a few conversations with the kids at work, but he knows that once they find a better job they’ll be gone, so he doesn't get too attached to them. He goes to work and goes home. Sometimes goes to the store to get food for him and Shiro, goes to the chemist to get medication for him and Shiro. Maybe he was lying earlier; he does have a someone. But it’s his twenty seven year old brother. They’re both too old to be relying on each other like this, but god damn. It gets hard having no one but each other; Shiro’s parents are dead too and ever since he got back from wherever the _fuck_ he was for that year (he still won’t tell Keith, and last time he asked, Shiro started crying, so Keith never wants to ask again), none of his friends hang out with him anymore. Keith has mixed emotions about that; on the one hand, he wants to sock them all in the jaw for abandoning his brother while he was trying to recover, but on the other hand… it was hard. Even Keith found it hard sometimes, and Shiro was his _brother._ Shiro refuses therapy because he’s trying to ‘move on’, it’s just that it’s kind of hard to move on when you’re not _moving._ He can’t get a job because retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, they’re all pretty reluctant to hire amputees. Shiro is physically fit and strong, and would probably do a better job at stocking stores than anyone with two arms, but there’s his psychological damage, too. The way he spaces out all the time, or panics at prolonged noises. So yeah, _trying to recover_ was a dandy concept, but it wasn't working for either of them. 

Then Lance started working at the coffeeshop. He wasn't an acne-ridden teenager; he was _beautiful,_ and he was Keith’s age. He was twenty two and in university, which made Keith resent him just a little. Keith had ignored him at first, maybe giving him a curt nod if they were working together, or smiling back if Lance smiled at him, but the boy grew on him. The way he hummed along to the radio. The way he always bought a frappe and a muffin during his break. The way he kept _trying_ with Keith despite how rude Keith was being to him. Keith had never had anyone other than Shiro try so hard with him. They became… friends. Rivalrous friends; they had a bet going about who could get the most tips, who could make the most puns during work, who could get the most smiles from customers. Lance made Keith’s life _fun._ Keith didn't just go to work to fill the time anymore, he looked forward to it. His heart skipped when he saw that he was working with Lance. He smiled at people on the bus. When the lady at the chemist told him to have a good day, he told her the same. For those two months, Keith was the happiest he’d ever been. He had a someone. He had _someone._

Lance’s boyfriend came into work one day. Keith had been serving him, when Lance had looked over and grinned. A grin that Keith still thought about when he really wanted to make himself hurt. One of those face-splitting, dimple smiles that Keith had only seen a handful of times. It was clear why, now. It was a smile reserved mostly for Hunk. 

Hunk was Lance’s boyfriend. He was tall, with dark skin and big brown eyes, and he was so _nice._ After that first day of him coming into work, it happened much more often. He came in for Lance’s breaks, and Lance stopped getting frappes and muffins and started getting a pot of coffee and cakes for the two of them. Keith would watch them, sometimes, would glance over and look at them. They were so _beautiful._ The way Lance leaned over to Hunk, the way Hunk threw his head back when he laughed. The tenderness between them. 

That’s how Keith had ended up in their bed. 

Okay, okay, that was a slight exaggeration. He’d been on a dating app - he couldn't remember which one, he had too many. They were a good way to distract himself. 

A picture of Lance and Hunk had come up once, their bio simply saying _‘kinky couple looking for a third’._ Keith, ever the impulsive, emotion-driven idiot, had briefly weighed the pros and cons before swiping yes. 

So, here he was. Saturday night, at their house, sitting on their bed. They’d been texting a little before hand, discussing what both parties wanted. One message had stuck in Keith’s head. _We want to dominate you,_ they’d said. He’d laughed a little when he’d read that. It was kind of funny that they didn't realise how much power they had over him already.


	2. russian roulette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith feels like he’s on fire. He feels like his entire body is burning, how could he feel so warm and yet so cold all at the same time? Was Lance feeling this too? Keith had kissed a lot of people… just last week he’d met up with a guy, had gone over to his house… but throughout the entire time they were having sex, Keith hadn't felt this alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hunk is by far the most physically powerful of the team, and despite his immense size and girth, his bulk is made of mostly of dense muscles that allow him to surpass even Shiro's mechanical arm in terms of raw strength. This contrast of natural vs mechanical strength indicates that Hunk possesses at least Olympic levels of muscular strength."
> 
> thank u @voltron wikia for this information im using it for good i promise :^)

Lance is looking at Keith. So is Hunk. He thinks they might be waiting for him to say something, but he’s not sure what they want him to say.

‘Hi,’ he decides on.

‘Hi,’ Lance echoes back to him, a smile on his face now. ‘Look, I don’t want this to be weird just ‘cause we work together. It’s not like there’s any feelings involved, and so uh, as long as everything is safe and consensual, there’s no reason for our work life to even be relevant.’

‘Yeah, I agree completely.’ Keith nods. He’s a liar. Nothing about this was safe, he was playing Russian roulette with sex and his feelings. Oh well. As long as the two of them never found out he had a big weird polyamorous crush on them, then it’d be fine.

‘Keith, when we were texting we agreed to use a word to keep everyone safe and happy, is that still alright with you? Have you decided on a safe word?’ Hunk asks.

Keith nods again. ‘Yeah. Red to stop. Yellow to slow down or take a break. Figure it’s simple enough that we won’t forget, y’know.’

Now it’s Hunk’s turn to nod. ‘You mentioned degradation and rough sex a lot, is that still something you’re interested in? Do you have any words you don’t want being used?’

'Go wild.’

They talk for awhile longer. Keith tells them he has a tendency to… to resist during sex; he likes the push and pull elements of being a bratty submissive. Hunk and Lance agree; they find it interesting, too, and they’re more than willing to punish him to make sure he stays in line.

So, before he knows it, Keith is being pulled into Hunk’s lap, Lance has his hands on his waist, and his lips are pressed against Lance’s. It’s a gentle kiss, at first, almost unsure. Keith feels like he’s on fire. He feels like his entire body is burning, how could he feel so warm and yet so cold all at the same time? Was Lance feeling this too? Keith had kissed a lot of people… just last week he’d met up with a guy, had gone over to his house… but throughout the entire time they were having sex, Keith hadn't felt this alive.

Hunk’s hands start touching him now - he can tell that they’re Hunk’s hands because they’re bigger, and warmer, more commanding. Though both Lance and Hunk are in control, it’s been clear from the beginning that Hunk truly calls the shots here. Keith has no issue with it. Hunk’s hands slide up Keith’s shirt and Keith feels his face begin to burn, he’s never had so much attention on him. He has to force himself to draw back from the kiss, letting out a sharp exhale as Hunk’s thumbs run over his nipples.

‘I can… I can take the shirt off, if you want…’ Keith breathes, looking at Hunk.

‘I’ll do it,’ Hunk replies, pulling his shirt off and throwing it on the floor.

Keith feels exposed, suddenly. He’d worn a long sleeved shirt deliberately; he didn't like his body. It was pale, covered in scattered scars and freckles and it was so bony. He wasn’t strong the way he used to be, and he wasn't attractive the way Lance and Hunk were. They were both so beautiful.

‘He’s so pretty, Hunk,’ Lance says, and Keith's face flushes again.

‘He is. You made a good decision.’ _Oh_. So Lance had been the one who’d swiped yes on his profile. That changed things dramatically.

‘Stop talking about me like I’m not here,’ Keith interrupts them, starting to fidget in Hunk’s lap, trying to grind against him. Hunk’s hands grip his hips tightly, holding him still. 

‘I’m sorry, since when do you get to tell me what to do, Keith?’ Hunk says, a cruel tone to his voice that goes straight to Keith’s cock. God damn it. He wasn’t going to last if this continued.

He glances at Lance, sees the smirk on his face and it only eggs him on more. But he acts like he hates it. 

‘Since when am I not allowed to? I don’t remember anyone saying I couldn’t, do you? Maybe you should be more clear with your instructions next ti-’ He’s cut off by Hunk’s big hand around his throat, Hunk’s skin contrasting against his own. He briefly thinks about their hands intertwined, how Hunk’s hand would look in the gentler times; how it would feel caressing his face, wiping tears from his eyes, playing with his hair. It makes him feel sick. 

‘If you don’t cut the attitude I’m going to have to shut you up, Keith,’ Hunk says firmly, eyes so dark they feel like they’re cutting into Keith. He loves it. If he couldn’t have Hunk love him, at least he could have him destroy him ( _well_ , he thought, _more than he is already_ ). 

‘How intimidating,’ Keith responds, and he’s the one smirking now. He thrived off this, loved pushing people to the point of pure frustration. _That’s what I’m good at_ , he thought to himself, _making people want to hurt me. Making myself want to hurt me._

‘Hunk, I think he’d look better on his knees. Begging, maybe. Crying. Crying, and not saying anything; I think that’s where you’ll look best, Keith,’ Lance is finally deciding to participate, and both Hunk’s and Keith’s eyes flick to him. God. He’s so unfairly beautiful. 

‘I don’t think so, half of my charm is my-’ he’s cut off again, Hunk’s hands gripping his hips, lifting him off the bed, and forcing him onto his knees in one swift motion. _I want him to cover me in bruises_ , Keith thinks to himself, _I want all this fucking pain I’m feeling over him to have some kind of physical proof._

‘It’s a shame such a pretty face is wasted on such an insolent brat. Are you always so irritating? I’m starting to doubt Lance’s judgement now,’ Keith’s face starts burning at Hunk’s words, but he’s still getting off on all of it. Maybe it was fucked up, being so into someone you love degrading you. Keith didn't care if it was, he had so few things that brought him pleasure anymore. If being called a slut made him come faster then who was he to question it? 

‘How good are you at multitasking, Keith? I reckon a slut like you could manage just fine…’ Lance says as he unbuttons his jeans, pushes them down along with his underwear and pulls out his cock. Starts stroking himself. Keith feels drool collecting in his mouth as he looks up at him. 

‘Look at how he’s looking at you, Lance. He wants it so bad, what a cockslut. Unbelievable. It’s always the mouthy ones who’re the biggest whores.’ 

‘Fuck you,’ Keith’s says as his eyes flick to Hunk. It was a risk, swearing at him; there was a chance Hunk might take it personally, which Keith didn't want at all. Everything he said was just part of the scene. But if it paid off… 

Hunk’s expression changed to a glare, and his hand grabbed Keith’s jaw tightly. 

‘Excuse me? Why the fuck does a slut like you think you can talk to me like that? To think I was going to let you touch me and Lance. It’s clear now that you don’t deserve it,’ Hunk snarls before walking to his and Lance’s closet, opening it and searching through.

Keith tries his hardest not to look at the closet for too long. Seeing Lance and Hunk’s clothes sharing space like that… it made it all a little too real. Once he noticed things like that, the way Hunk’s side was organised and colour coded and Lance’s was a complete mess, he couldn't _un-notice_ them. The pain of being in love lay in the details; Keith could watch them share endless kisses during Lance’s break at the coffeeshop and not feel a thing, yet once he walked into their house and saw their shoes laid out next to each other he felt like dying. If love was feeling like this then Keith didn't want it, all love had ever brought him was disappointment and pain. But it seemed as though love didn't particularly care. It already had him in it’s grips. 

Hunk pulls out a box from the top shelf, puts it on floor and takes out black handcuffs. 

‘I don’t like black,’ Keith says, heart jumping with excitement when he heard both Hunk and Lance sigh loudly. 

‘I’m sure you’ll get over it,’ Lance responds, ‘And if you really feel so strongly opposed then we can just blindfold you so you don’t have to see them.’ 

Keith visibly swallows at that. He _hated_ being blindfolded, and they both knew it. 

‘Black is fine,’ Keith decides is the safest thing to say, though he regrets it when he hears Lance laugh. 

‘That’s what I thought.’ 

Hunk is crouched behind him, now, grabbing Keith’s arms and pulling them behind his back before clicking the handcuffs around his wrists. He stands again and makes his way back in front of Keith and next to Lance. 

'Much better,' Lance comments, smiling down at Keith. 

'What are you waiting for, then? Am I going to have to wait all day to suck you guys off? Do you get off on making me  _wait_?' Keith says impatiently. God, he wished his hands were free so he could reach out and  _touch_ one of them. Though, he supposed that was the point. To torture him. 

He's snapped out of his impatience by a hard smack across his cheek, to which he automatically responds with a loud moan. He couldn't help it. 

'Slut,' Lance says, though Keith knows it was Hunk who hit him. It was obvious by the strength behind it; Lance was strong, but Hunk was obviously the stronger of the two. 'Getting off on somebody hitting you... What the fuck is wrong with you? It was supposed to be a punishment, you stupid  _whore._ ' 

Keith whimpers at that, starting to fidget again. He  _needed_ something to happen, but he's not going to tell either of them that, it'd be too close to begging, which is exactly what they want. 

'What, you're all out of things to say now? I hit you once and you're all done?' 

 _'Please_ can I suck you guys off?' Keith finds himself saying before he has a chance to restrain himself, his voice a desperate whine that he hates as soon as he hears it.

Hunk laughs a little before looking to Lance. 'Should we let him? He asked so nicely... maybe he'll make up for all the talking back he's been doing.'

'Sure,' Lance says as if it's nothing, as if Keith's entire body isn't aching for it.

'Open your mouth then,' Hunk says, voice directed at Keith as he pulls his jeans and underwear down. 

Keith opens his mouth and makes a whining noise in the back of his throat.

'Kitten's getting restless, huh,' Lance taunts before grabbing the back of Keith's head and thrusting into his mouth until he could feel himself hit the back of Keith's throat. He held him there, still for a moment, until Keith made a loud gagging noise, and Lance pulled him off. 'Is that what you want? You want me to fuck your throat, kitten? You want me to make you gag?' Lance asks with a smirk.

Keith responds with another whine, head nodding enthusiastically as he opened his mouth again, tongue sticking out. 

So Lance tangles his fingers in Keith's hair and yanks him forward again, starting to thrust in and out of his mouth. Keith takes it, putting up with the gagging and discomfort and coughing. He didn't mind it all that much usually anyway, and if it was for Lance... well. He'd do anything for Lance.

'You take it so well, Keith... So good for me,' Lance praises, and Keith looks up at him, moaning upon seeing Lance's expression. He looks so completely consumed in pleasure... Keith wouldn't mind staying on his knees for the rest of his life if it meant Lance felt  _that_ good all the time.

'You like that, hm? You like being called good?' Hunk asks after hearing Keith's moan. Keith's eyes flick to him. 'Maybe you shouldn't be such a brat all the time and you might get praised more often. You're only being praised now because your mouth is full and you can't make any smart-ass comments. You do realise that, right?' 

Lance pulls Keith off his cock again, and Keith takes the time to gasp and catch his breath. He couldn't take Hunk's bait, it'd just get him into more trouble... 

'I'm being praised because I'm doing a good job,' Keith spits back, and he regrets it as soon as he sees Hunk laugh. Suddenly, there are hands on his waist and he's being thrown onto the bed on his stomach. 

'I-I wasn't... I wasn't  _done_ sucking Lance off, Hunk,' Keith whined, unable to move off his stomach because of his hands being tied behind his back. He feels the bed dip in weight behind him, and he's positioned onto his hands and knees. A hand -  _Hunk's hand,_ he realises - rests on the small of his back and Keith's breath hitches. His jeans and underwear are pulled down, and Keith realises he's in more trouble than he thought. 

'What a shame, our poor kitten isn't getting what he wants. How will he ever recover?' Hunk punctuates his sentence with a harsh slap to Keith's ass that echoes through the room and causes Keith to yell.  

'What was it Lance was telling me earlier? You and him work out together on Saturday's, don't you? Today is a Friday... huh. I guess you're going to be pretty sore. That sucks. Maybe you should've cut the attitude when I asked you to. You're going to count the spanks for me, okay? Can you manage that without fucking anything up or do I need to write it down?' 

Keith wants with all his being to fire a comment back. But he's handcuffed on his hands and knees about to be punished. He is in absolutely noposition to be talking back right now.

'Y-Yes,' he replies, nodding slowly. 'Yes, I can handle that.' 

'Yes who?' Lance pipes up. 

'Yes, sir.' Telling the two of them about his authority kink was perhaps a mistake; Keith feels his cock twitch upon calling Hunk  _that_ name. God. What did he get himself into?

'Good boy,' Hunk says, but the tenderness doesn't last. A firm slap to Keith's ass follows the praise, and Keith yells out again.

'T-Two,' he says, voice shaking a little. 

'Two?' Lance says, voice curious. He walks over to Keith, grabs his hair and yanks his head so he's forced to look up at the boy. 'That was the first one. Can you count, or are you such a desperate cockslut that you can't focus on anything else? I mean, I know you're useless, but I figured you'd at  _least_ be able to count up to twenty. Or was I wrong?' 

'I'm sorry, sir. I thought the first one counted too. I'm sorry, it was my mistake. I'll do better next time,' Keith finds himself grovelling. He couldn't help it. Every time either of them insulted him it seemed to go straight to his cock and affect his self control. 

'Good manners. Let's make sure you don't mess up again, kitten. We're restarting, so this will be  _one,_ okay?' Hunk says, tone as though he were talking to a child. Keith never wants it to end, wants to stay in this room with Lance and Hunk degrading him forever. Lance lets go of his hair, and Keith's head falls forward again. 

Hunk spanks him again, and Keith gasps, 'O-One.' 

They reach fifteen before Keith fucks up again, accidentally crying out Hunk's name instead of the number.

Lance grabs his hair again, but this time Keith doesn't even have  _time_ to apologise before Lance's hand strikes him across the face. It was different to when Hunk hit him; less painful, but more degrading, somehow. Probably because his ass was bare and in the air, and covered in pink handprints. 

'Come on, Keith. Your ass looks so  _pretty_ like this, don't make me turn it red. I don't think either of us would enjoy that,' Hunk says with a hint of sarcasm. They would both  _love_ that. But Keith would also kind of enjoy being able to walk to work tomorrow. 'Just be useful for once in your life, yeah? It's fifteen. Let's try again, but I'm making it thirty spanks now. If you get to thirty without messing up again then maybe I'll even fuck you. Would you like that?' Hunk asks, teasing and tormenting him deliberately.

Keith opens his mouth to speak, but Lance raises his open hand again; a threat. 'Don't say anything. It's a rhetorical question, you dumb bitch. We both know you'd love Hunk inside you, you've probably gotten off thinking about it before, haven't you? Of course you have. Such a desperate little whore.'

Keith audibly whimpers, but decides not to apologise. He didn't want to disobey Lance. 

By the time they reach thirty, Keith's legs are shaking and tears are streaming down his face. 

'Is he crying, Lance?' Hunk asks.

Lance yanks Keith's head up, and Keith's face starts burning. He hadn't cried in front of anyone since Shiro had gone missing. 

'He is. You should come and look. He looks so pretty like this... too desperate and fucked up to irritate us.' 

'It's tempting, but I like the view from back here too much. Do you think you could pass me the lube, babe?' 

 _Babe._ It's one word, one stupid pet name that probably just slipped out because Hunk uses it so often, but it feels like Hunk has just stepped on Keith's heart. How can one word feel like the equivalent of thousands of real, genuine insults? How can one word feel like such a complete slap in the face? Keith is reminded that he is a guest here. In this house, in this  _sex;_ he is temporary. To Lance and Hunk, this is just an opportunity to add interest to their sex life for a night. For Keith... well, Keith really didn't want to admit to himself how much this meant to him. 

Keith is pulled out of his thoughts by hands grabbing his ass - his  _very sore_ ass - firmly, followed by a slap of three fingers to his hole. He cried out, loud, and felt fresh tears form in his eyes. 

'Don't fucking space out while I'm talking to you again,' comes Hunk's harsh explanation for the punishment. 'I was talking to you.'

Keith's tears drip down his face as he replies. 'I'm s-sorry, sir. I didn't mean to.' 

'Good. I asked if you wanted us both to fuck you or if you wanted Lance in your mouth while I fuck you?' 

'S-Second one, please. Please, sir.'

'Good boy,' Hunk soothed, and Keith could hear the lube bottle pop open behind him. Before he knows it, Hunk's finger is pushing into him. 

'O-Oh...  _Oh._ Oh. God, H-Hunk...' Keith groaned, ass pushing back against the finger; until Hunk spanks him again and Keith's hips jerk forward. 

'Stay still, whore. Sooner I can finish stretching you, the sooner I can be inside you. You want that, right?' 

'Y-Yes...  _god,_ yes,' Keith whines as he turns his head to watch Hunk.

Lance slaps his face lightly to get his attention, and Keith turns to look up at Lance, greeted by his cock in his face.

'We didn't get to finish earlier, kitten. Do you want my cock in your mouth again?' 

Keith nods and whines, opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue. 

Lance laughs, but it's not as mean this time. Just a soft amusement. When Keith was alone later he might even be able to convince himself it was tender and loving.   
'Use your words, baby.'

'Yes, please, sir, I really want you in my mouth again, plea-' Keith is cut off by Lance forcing himself down his throat, and he makes a strange half-way noise between a gag and a moan as Hunk pushes another finger into him. He stays as still as he can manage, almost impressed with his ability to act semi-normal while literally being fingered and giving head. If he was going to have a talent... he would've preferred it were a practical one. But he'd take what he could get.

Hunk has started scissoring his fingers, and Keith is making a multitude of lewd, extremely embarrassing noises.

Keith starts whimpering, all desperation and impatience, trying to ask Hunk to add another finger. Hunk does what Keith wants for the first time that night and adds a third, hand moving faster and rougher now. Keith is  _burning._

Then, all of the sudden, Keith is empty. Lance pulls out of his mouth and Hunk removes his fingers from his ass. Keith whimpers, like, really  _whimpers._ Like he's just been told something tragic. Like he's just been told his parents have died all over again.  _Stop thinking about your dead parents during sex, Kogane._

'Listen to him whine, Lance. Our good little kitty... so desperate for us.'

'Please can you fuck me, H-Hunk? Please can you fuck me, please, I want to feel you... sp-split me open and leave bruises on me.'

'Since you asked so nicely,' Hunk says as he grabs Keith's hips tightly, thumbs pressing hard against his hipbone as he slowly pushed into Keith. Both of them grunt, and when Keith's mouth falls open Lance takes the opportunity to push into his mouth again, hands pulling harshly on his hair. Keith hasn't had this much physical contact for... years. He wonders if he deserves any of it. Would they be touching him if they knew how he felt about them? If they knew how often he lay awake at night thinking of ways to kill himself, or to run away without leaving a trace behind?  _Kogane. You're making it weird, stop fucking making it weird. Just enjoy the sex, idiot. Stop thinking about death._

Once it's clear that Keith is fully adjusted -  which takes awhile because, to be frank, Hunk is fucking  _huge_ and though Keith loves pain he doesn't much feel like tearing something - Hunk starts up a ruthless, rough, fast pace. Lance is mercilessly fucking into his throat, and Keith's eyes are starting to water again. 

. . . 

By the time they're done, Keith is sobbing and squirming. 

Lance comes first. Pulls out and asks Keith quickly if he wants his cum in his mouth or on his face.

'F-Face,' Keith's voice sounds utterly fucked. He didn't know  _how_ _the fuck_ he was going to explain this to whoever he was working with tomorrow. Or to Shiro. Well, Shiro probably wouldn't be an issue. Keith'd be surprised if Shiro knew what he usually sounded like; he's so spaced out all the time, everything Keith says goes right over his brothers head.

Lance grunts, hand working himself over rapidly before it slows and he releases over Keith's face with a cry of Hunk's name. A cry of Hunk's name; one syllable and Keith feels one inch tall again. He'd been crying over Lance for the past half hour ( _for the past six months, actually,_ Keith thinks to himself), had been open and desperate and easy to digest for the two of them, but it didn't mean anything. Hunk was still the boy Lance loved. Lance was still the boy Hunk loved. Keith was still nobody; Keith was still a lonely, resentful boy serving coffees to uni students with more of a future than him. 

Hunk comes next, which makes sense, because Keith is kind of busy trying to nurse his broken heart. Hunk's hands tighten on his hips as he comes, and Keith pretends he's still enjoying himself. Cries out and begs for more. 

'C'mon, kitten, can you come for me? You've been so good, you just need to do this last... thing...' the struggle to stay composed is evident in Hunk's voice; it is thick with exhaustion and sleep. Isn't this always how it goes? Keith letting everyone down? 

One of Hunk's hands leaves his hip and wraps around his cock, and Keith instantly comes. He's more relieved than anything. It'd be kinda  _super_ uncomfortable if he'd gone through all of that just to not come.

They clean up, afterwards. They clean up and get dressed, and for a moment Keith feels as though he is part of something. There's something intimate about the moments after sex, when everyone is tired and slow and full of love. 

Then the time comes to leave. Keith feels the happiness inside him shrink to zero, but the atmosphere in the room doesn't change. Love'll do that, he supposes. Happiness was ever-present in Hunk's and Lance's home. Keith, a boy made of paper and glue and so much _temporary,_  doesn't know how he ever felt like he belonged here, because he's never felt more like an outsider than he does right now, in this house of brick and cement and  _certainty. So much disgusting, overwhelming, all-consuming certainty._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK COOL THANKS FOR READING THIS KINKY GARBAGE HOPE U ENJOYED !!! SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES


	3. empty hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " if your hands need to break  
> more than trinkets in your room  
> you can lean on my arm  
> as you break my heart "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for self harm and death, that kind of stuff

_**FRIDAY 3.23AM** _

Keith has work tomorrow. Well, _technically_ he has work today.

Despite this, he's been awake for the past two hours trying to find something. He doesn't know what. He supposes he's looking for  _anything_ rather than  _something._ Anything that'll fill his hands for a moment or two - he doesn't think that's too much to ask. He doesn't exactly have big hands. He just wants something to hold. Something substantial. Something worthwhile to get him through the night, to ease him through the hours between  _work_ and  _Shiro_ and  _sleep_ ; the empty hours.

It's been a week since the threesome. A week since he's been touched by anyone at all. It's always his hands reaching out and doing the holding. 

Figures.

It's been a bad week. Keith got home from work on Tuesday to Shiro asleep on the couch, shirtless with the upper part of his amputated arm covered in angry cuts with dried red blood, a blade on the coffee table. He'd woken him up, had cleaned his arm and held him as he'd cried. Shiro's voice was croaky when he spoke. 

'It'd be easier for you if I'd just died when I'd gone missing,' Shiro mumbles. Keith isn't sure he's heard him correctly at first, but when he looks at Shiro's face and sees that he's started crying, he knows he heard him just fine. 

'Shiro,' Keith starts, unsure of how to even respond to that. ' _Shiro._ Don't... Don't fucking say that again, Shiro. Don't you _dare_.' He puts his hands on his brothers cheeks, wipes the tears away with his thumbs. Ignores the way Shiro flinches slightly.

'I-I'm sorry, but I'm right, aren't I? You would have been able to go back to uni. You'd probably have a boyfriend or something. Y-You wouldn't have to... to put up with this,' he says, gesturing towards his now-patched-up arms. 

'You think I give a fuck about any of that?' Keith removes his hands from Shiro's face and takes his hand instead, holds it tightly the way Shiro used to do to him in high school when he'd have panic attacks. It's funny, the hereditary nature of suffering. They have the same shaky hands. 

He wishes he could get the harsh out of his voice and speak gently to Shiro, but he feels too full of passion and fear and sadness for it.

'Shiro, when you came back I was weeks away from killing myself. Fuck, I was probably  _days_ away. I don't care about uni or boyfriends or looking after you. I'm just glad there's something left to look after.' 

'I...' Shiro falters. His eyes fill with tears again. 'I wish I'd died.' 

Keith hesitates, realises there's no way to argue with that. He didn't want to dispute Shiro's feelings, because they were real and valid. But god  _damn_ did it break his fucking heart.

'I know, Shiro, I know you do,' Keith soothes, thumbs rubbing his brothers hand gently, trying to be the bigger person despite how _small_ this makes him feel. 'But I'm so glad you didn't, not just because mom and dad are gone... You're my best friend, I know you're struggling right now but you're so  _smart_ and worthy and you're going to get through it, alright? I don't care if you come out with twice as many scars, you're staying alive, okay?' 

Shiro nods slowly. When he'd first gotten home, in the first few weeks, Keith had tread on eggshells around his brother. He knew better, now. This tough-love worked more than anything else.

'I-I made a therapy appointment, used the savings for it. I'm going to... I need to...' he trails off, but Keith knows exactly what he was trying to say. 

'Okay. Okay, yeah. That's really good, Shiro. I'm proud of you.' 

Shiro shrugs, Keith picks up on his discomfort and lets go of his hands. 

'I'm going to make curry for dinner. That sound good to you?' Keith asks as he stands up and walks to the kitchen. The house they're living in is nice, is too big for just the two of them, but it's still fairly small. The dining room, kitchen and lounge room are all open space, no walls separating them. Keith tried not to think about the irony of that. 

The rest of Wednesday had been fine. They'd eaten curry together on the couch, with their feet propped up on the coffee table the way their parents hated. They'd watched a documentary about space, and Keith hadn't wished himself away to the black space between the stars the way he usually did. He'd wished himself right here, with his brother alive and well and  _eating_ proper food, with their house smelling of food and filled with noise. Keith thinks he could get used to this, could live his life only being happy in these moments. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's short :( would u guys prefer longer chapters w/ less updates or shorter chapters with more updates?


	4. heartbreak over candlelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I was thinking, you should come on a date with me and Hunk,' Lance says. Keith's ears are burning and his heart feels about ready to burst out of his fucking chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning w/o giving too much away, this chapter will deal with some rape/non-con elements. basically, the sex in this chapter is mostly consensual but definitely coercive, manipulative and unhealthy. it is icky and questionable, so if that's an issue for you then be cautious. a tl;dr will be included in the notes at the bottom if u feel too squicky about this chapters potentially triggering content.
> 
> please keep in mind im not adding themes like this just for the sake of it, these issues are very close to my heart and are extremely similar to things i have experienced.
> 
> oh also shiro is an amputee and i've corrected the previous chapters to accommodate this

Keith feels as though there is a part of his heart taken up. As though Hunk and Lance have carved out a space in it and have decided to live there awhile.

'Hey, Keith?' Lance asks as he makes himself a coffee, pouring milk into his cup. The coffeeshop has been dead all day; it's raining, grey and miserable outside. Keith doesn't mind all too much, it's not like he  _enjoyed_ serving people. Or enjoyed people in general. But being bored at work was worse than being busy; he needed things to fill the time so he didn't think too much. Despite this, he'd much rather be bored with Lance than any of his other co-workers. If he hears about exams  _one more time_ from one of his teenaged co-workers he was going to personally rip up their stupid flashcards.

'Yeah?' Keith is playing an app on his phone, leaning with his back against the counter. He rarely got so comfortable at work, but they haven't had a customer since 9am, and it is now 1pm, so he's fairly certain the day is a complete write-off.

'You're... I mean, you're obviously into dudes, right?' Lance asks, and Keith feels his heart skip. 

'Uh, yeah. I'm gay.' He turns off his phone and looks up at Lance, interest peaked. He didn't want to let on how excited he was, but he was pretty sure this was everything he'd wanted for the past few months coming true, so it was hard to stay nonchalant. 

'Huh. I had an idea, but it's kinda weird and I'm not sure how you'll respond,' Lance says.

'Uh, just shoot. Worst I can do is think you're a fucked-up freak and never speak to you again,' Keith says with a shrug, voice a deadpan. He'd developed this sense of humour from Shiro, who spent all of Keith's childhood and adolescence making light of all the horrible things that seemed to follow the two of them around. He still joked like that sometimes, but there was always an element of hopelessness behind it. Or maybe there always had been and Keith had just been too naive to notice.

'I was thinking, you should come on a date with me and Hunk,' Keith's ears are burning and his heart feels about ready to burst out of his fucking chest. 'I mean, not  _with_ me and Hunk, obviously,' Lance quickly corrects himself with a wave of his hands. 'But we have a _friend_ , you could meet him on a date with me and Hunk, like a double date, y'know?' 

Huh. Keith has been punched in the face plenty of times, yet this somehow felt more painful than any of the fights he'd gotten into. He composes himself, not daring to show just how disappointed he feels, simply forcing a shrug. As if it meant nothing to him. 

'Nah, I don't wanna force a relationship. I don't think I'm in the right place to date,'  _I don't think I want to touch anyone other than you and Hunk. I don't think I want to lead anyone on. I don't think my heart can handle seeing you and Hunk in your date-night clothes, that just feels so horribly intimate and domestic. I wouldn't want to invade your privacy. Yeah, I know your boyfriend had his dick inside me, but you were both pretty clear that it meant absolutely nothing to you!_ Keith, of course, doesn't say any of this. That would be far too healthy and honest. 

 _Plus_ , Keith thinks, _I already have a crush on two boys._ He didn't know how far his polyamory extended. What if this boy was just wonderful, and Keith fell in love with him too? How would he explain that over their third date? Could he handle any more pain?

'Come ooon, dude. It's just one teeny tiny date! He's super cute, I promise. I wouldn't set you up with a dud. Plus, it'll be a good way for us to hang out outside of work. Hunk wants to hang out with you too, but he wasn't sure how to ask 'cause... y'know, last time he hung out with you...' Lance gives a nervous shrug and a laugh. He never mentioned the threesome directly, always left the implication of it hanging in the air. Like mistletoe. Or a bad smell. 

'...Sure. Do you have a picture of him? He might not be my type.'  _He might not look like you._

Lance nods, obviously excited, and rushes over to stand next to Keith, pulling out his phone and getting up a picture of this guy. He's not... he's not unattractive. Pale skin, long white hair... he's hot. But he doesn't make Keith's heart jump or anything. Oh well. Maybe it'd be good for Keith to get laid and not feel heartbroken afterward.

'Yeah, he's alright. Sure,' Keith nods. 

'Yay! Hunk is going to be so happy!' 

'Glad to be of service. It'll be good seeing you and Hunk outside of work,' Keith admits in a rare moment of honesty. 'From what I can tell of our past interactions, Hunk and I seem to get along pretty well.' Keith regrets it as soon as he says it. He feels as though he's just drawn a huge red 'x' on something that Lance was obviously trying to ignore.  

'... _Keith,_ ' Lance starts. 'Don't... don't do that, dude. Not cool.' 

'Yeah, yeah. I know. Sorry.' 

'It's all good,' Lance nods, though Keith doesn't miss the residual discomfort on Lance's face. 

* * *

 So... that's how he ended up  _here._ Here, at dinner with Hunk, Lance and this... this guy.  _Lotor,_ his name was. Keith and Lotor were sitting across from Lance and Hunk, Lance was in a blue v-neck sweater with a black button-up underneath, Hunk was in a yellow button-up shirt. They kept touching each others arms and grinning... they looked so happy. So comfortable. Lotor was dressed in all black, Keith in black and red, and the small distance between them feels miles long, their unfamiliarity is glaringly obvious. Keith knows he should be staring at Lotor, but it's hard when Lance and Hunk seem to be the source of light in the room. 

'What are you guys ordering?' Hunk asks, a casual air to his voice as he frowns at the menu, thumbing through it. Lance had informed Keith a few months ago that while Hunk worked as an engineer, his real passion was cooking. He cooked most of their meals at home, and baked whenever he was under pressure at work, which Lance _loved_ because _his_ guilty pleasure was stress-eating; details that just kept hurting the more Keith thought about them. 

'The lasagna,' Lance says. 'Obviously. It's the best meal ever created, and I'm not an animal. I doubt it'll be as good as Hunk's, but a boy can dream.'

Hunk and Keith roll their eyes in sync, and Lotor gives a laugh.

'I'm getting the chicken salad,' Keith says. What he _really_ wanted was the spaghetti bolognaise, but it was a messy dish and he didn't want to get it on his first date with this guy; even if he wasn't particularly invested in the relationship, he didn't want to embarrass himself by getting food all over his face already. 'What about you, Lotor?' 

'The chicken parmigiana,' he smiles at Keith. It's a nice smile, he has good teeth. Keith nodded, giving a small smile back. 

'Well, not that anyone  _cares,_ but I'm getting the lasagna too,' Hunk says in that  _I'm better than you_ voice.

'Aw, I care, babe,' Lance says and presses a kiss to Hunk's cheek. It's as though they lived in a bubble and could only see each other when they were being like this. 

Keith rolls his eyes and doesn't realise anyone sees until he hears Lotor giggle. 

'They're so mushy,' he comments, still smiling at Keith despite the shared mood of resentment between them. 'Yuck.'

'Hah,' Keith laughs. It almost feels like a real human interaction that Keith isn't fucking up. 'Yup, basically. Super yuck.'

'Are you yuck-ing us? We are not gross! We're adorable!' Lance objects loudly, and Keith responds with another, much more obvious, roll of his eyes.

They get halfway through the meal before Keith's patience is tested again. 

'Try some of my pasta, Lance,' Hunk says, holding out a forkful of food to his boyfriend. Lance nodded and opened his mouth, allowing Hunk to feed him and chewing once the food was in his mouth. 'Babe, you have sauce like, all around your mouth,' he followed up with a soft expression, getting a napkin and wiping Lance's mouth for him. It was just _so_  adorable. Keith wanted to throw up. 

Though, he doesn't have much time to focus on his disgust, because a hand is suddenly gripping his thigh tightly underneath the table. Lotor'shand. Keith turns and looks at him, glancing at his thigh before at Lotor's face, as if questioning him. Which he felt as though he had a right to do, considering the fact that this guy seemed to think Keith's body was free for the taking. Though, with Keith's current loneliness, he wasn't exactly wrong. But he didn't need to know that. Lotor leaned in close to Keith, eyes glancing to check and Lance and Hunk are still distracted by their undying love for each other or whatever, mouth near Keith's ear. 

'You don't mind, right? I kinda like public stuff, and no offence to them, but this dinner is boring as fuck. Maybe you could come over afterwards, too.' Hearing his voice like this, so close and deep and  _hot_ against his ear just makes Keith more aware of the differences between Lotor and the two boys they were at dinner with. But he was offering a distraction. Sure, he wasn't a major charmer or anything, and Keith wasn't falling in love, but watching Lance and Hunk flirt may be a little more bearable with this guy touching him. 

'Sure,' Keith nods, though he subtly (he doesn't know why he's being subtle, he doubts Lance and Hunk would notice him even if he were on fire) moves Lotor's hand to his crotch rather than his thigh. 

'Excuse me,' Lotor reprimands, voice still a whisper in Keith's ear. He moves his hand back to Keith's thigh. ' _S_ _ure_  doesn't get you a reward, Keith.'  _Oh, so that's how he's going to play._

'You'll get over it,' Keith responds, smirking a little before pulling back and starting to eat again. Lotor's hand tightened on his thigh, pinching him hard. Keith swallowed his food and glared at him, hissing a little. Lotor responded by pinching him again, before leaning over to whisper in his ear. 

'Ready to use your manners now, Keith?' Lotor asks, an infuriating arrogance prevalent in his voice.

'Please,' Keith mumbles, looking into his eyes, faking desperation. 'Touch me properly.'

Lotor removes his hand from Keith's thigh completely and shrugs. 'Maybe later.' 

'You're a fucking asshole,' Keith responds quietly, rolling his eyes and taking another bite of his food. 'Can I come over?' 

'Of course, babe,' Lotor smirks, kissing Keith's cheek before returning to his meal as well. Keith doesn't mention that the casual intimacy makes him uncomfortable, it seems hypocritical considering they're planning to sleep together. Plus, maybe it was kind of nice having someone call him a pet name and kiss him in a nonsexual way. 

* * *

Lotor's apartment is freakishly clean, especially for somebody like Keith, who thrives best in organised chaos. Keith doesn't take much of it in as he's pulled by his wrist to Lotor's room. Lotor pushes him onto the bed on his back and smirks, getting on the bed and crawling over him. He positioned himself with his legs either side of Keith's waist and took the smaller boys wrists, gripping them tightly and pinning them above his head. Keith can't exactly say he doesn't enjoy the feeling, but it's all moving just a little bit too fast for his comfort. 

'Hey, dude, Lotor, maybe cool it a little yeah?' Keith warns and attempts to move his wrists to prove his point, a little disturbed by the fact that he's unable to move them.

'What's wrong? You're the one who wanted to come over. Are you getting cold feet? Do you not wanna fuck?' 

'No... no, I do, I just didn't expect you to be pinning me down before we've even kissed, y'know. If we just...' Keith lifts his head to press his lips against Lotor's, kissing him gently for a moment before parting his mouth slightly, to which Lotor responds by shoving his tongue in his mouth. Keith pulled back, head hitting the bed, but Lotor just continues kissing him. A slight panic raises in Keith and he whines in the back of his throat but doesn't try to push Lotor off. Lotor's free hand pushed Keith's shirt up, hand sliding up his skin before pinching his nipple between his thumb and finger. Keith whined again, back lifting off the bed slightly. Lotor pulled back from the kiss, smirking and watching Keith's face as he pinched again. Keith groaned and lifted his head to try to pull Lotor back into a kiss, but Lotor ignores him in favour of mocking him.

'You're so noisy,' he comments. 'Didn't expect you to be like this, you were so quiet at dinner.' 

'Ugh, don't make fun of me, Lotor.' Keith rolls his eyes, lifting his head again, but Lotor lets go of his wrists to grab his throat, pushing him back down onto the bed firmly. 

'I'm not. I didn't say I didn't like it, did I?' Lotor pulls back and unbuttons his own shirt, pulling it off and pausing for a moment before pulling Keith's hands up above his head and tying his wrists together using the shirt. It makes Keith feel just a little uncomfortable; he didn't know this guy well enough to be letting him restrict him. After that, he gently wraps his hand around his throat again and Keith takes a deep, shaky breath. 'You like that, don't you? You like being choked?' 

Keith nods as best he can. 'Y-Yeah.'

'Are you a bottom?' Lotor asks as he begins kissing Keith's neck, gentle kisses trailing down to his collarbones. 

'Vers. But, a-ah,' Keith gasped as Lotor began sucking marks into the skin of his neck, turning his head to the side to allow more room. 'But I-I've been bottoming a lot more lately.' By this he means he doesn't want to put any more effort than is necessary into this sex, and he's pretty sure Lotor has already established his dominance in this situation.

'Good,' Lotor hums, before scraping his teeth across the (now _very_ sensitive) skin of Keith's neck. 'Do you want me to fuck you, Keith? Can you use your manners?' 

'Y-You're... the worst.' 

Lotor pulls away from his neck, grabs Keith's jaw and forces him to look at him. 'Those aren't manners, Keith.' 

Keith wants to shove him off and leave, but he equally wants to lay here, beg, and get fucked good, so he doesn't move. He swallows his pride instead and tells himself it'll be worth it.

'Please fuck me, Lotor,' he mumbled, finding it difficult to speak with the hand gripping his jaw. Lotor smirked and nodded, leaning down to kiss Keith again. Keith kissed back enthusiastically, lifting his hips and grinding against the taller man with a moan. 

Lotor pulled back and yanked Keith's jeans off, throwing them on the floor before doing the same with his underwear. He feels slightly underdressed now, with his bottom half completely naked and his sweater hiked all the way up his chest. Usually he'd tug at Lotor's jeans to show that he wanted them off, or he'd palm him, or  _something._ But he's unable to with his hands tied above his head. Though he figured that was the point. To take his control away. Which he didn't _necessarily_ dislike.

'Take your jeans off, Lotor. Please.' He adds the  _please_ as an afterthought, not much enjoying submitting to somebody he barely knows. For once, Lotor does as Keith asks and takes off his jeans, discarding them and adding them to the building pile of clothes on his bedroom floor, a welcome change from the almost unnerving cleanliness of his room. Plus, Keith hadn't really thought about this previously, but this guy was apparently around his age; why the  _fuck_ did he have a huge apartment already? Unless... yeah, no, he was almost definitely rich as hell. Or he was married to someone rich, which was a worse thought. Keith didn't wanna be some rich brats plaything.

'Get on your hands and knees, babe.'

Keith hesitates, before saying, 'Don't call me babe. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, to be honest.'

Lotor pauses in a similar way to Keith, before slapping him across the face. Usually, Keith would be majorly turned on by this, but they haven't discussed it at all - they don't even have a safe word. Should he... should he tell him off for it? Or would Lotor interpret that as more playing and hit him again. 

'Don't tell me what to do, Keith. And you didn't do what I said.'

Yeah, okay, so Keith should probably just stay quiet. It's not like he hated being treated roughly... he'd survive someone being a little rude to him. 

Keith sat up so he could try to get on his hands and knees, but Lotor pushed him back onto his back.

'Huh? I thought you wanted me t-' 

'Roll over,' Lotor orders, and Keith finds something weirdly hot about being ordered around like  _that,_ like an animal or something. He tries not to dwell on it too much and rolls into his stomach. 

'Good boy,' Lotor praises, similar to the way someone would talk to a dog who has just learnt to sit for the first time. 'Rest on your elbows - get on your elbows and knees would be more accurate, I guess.' 

Keith attempts to follow instructions, but falls onto his face and hears Lotor laugh behind him. 

' _Pathetic_. Try again.' 

Keith feels too-warm and humiliated and turned on all at once. So, naturally, he follows instructions and tries again; succeeding this time. Lotor sighs behind him and his hands grab his ass, spreading him apart a little too roughly. Keith whines, and Lotor responds by spanking him. 

'You want me to stretch you, babe?' 

Keith nods, whining again. 'Please, please...' He isn't faking his desperation this time, he genuinely feels desperate at this point. After all this weird/hot foreplay he  _needs_ Lotor to fuck him. Needs something real.

Lotor stretches him, and it's a little too fast, a little too rough and a little disappointing, but when he hears the crinkle of the condom wrapper and Lotor lubing himself up, Keith reckons it's worth it. One of Lotor's hands grip Keith's hip as he pushes slowly into him, and the other grabs his hair roughly, pulling it before pushing Keith's face into the mattress. Keith whimpers and turns his face to the side so he can breath, and apparently Lotor doesn't like this whine much, because he responds by beginning to move even though Keith isn't adjusted enough yet. Keith whimpers again, louder this time and with a hint more annoyance, but Lotor ignores him. 

'L-Lotor, slow down a little, I need time to adj-' Lotor spanks him and Keith interrupts himself with a groan. 

'Shut up, slut.' 

Keith should be offended, or should shove Lotor off and reprimand him for being so blatantly ignorant of basic BDSM etiquette, but he isn't, so he doesn't. 

Lotor establishes a steady, deep, _hard_ pace, grunting every now and then. 'S-So tight...' 

 _Yeah,_ Keith thinks,  _because you didn't stretch me properly, moron._

'So tight still even though you're probably a complete whore. Are you, K-Keith?' 

In all honesty, Keith isn't sure what qualifies one to be a whore. He'd slept with a fair share of boys, but not a record amount or anything. Just a normal human amount.

'Yeah,' he responds, because he thinks it's what Lotor wants to hear. 'I'm... I'm a complete c-cockslut.' 

Lotor groans behind him and spanks him again, hips thrusting faster now. 'That's disgusting. You're disgusting, Keith. A disgusting little slut.' 

Keith moans, though it's because of the increased pace and not because of the insults. He shifts his hips subtly to attempt to get Lotor to press against his prostate, letting out an obscenely loud moan when Lotor brushed against the spot. He can feel his cock leaking precum,  _god,_ he wished his hands weren't tied. He wanted to touch himself so badly.

'Say it, Keith.' 

'S-Say... Say what?' Keith asks, brain too clouded with all the sudden pleasure to process information very well. 

Lotor paused his thrusts for a moment to slap the underside of Keith's cock with the back of his hand, and Keith yells in pain and anger. If this was Lance or Hunk, and they'd agreed to a safe word and Keith had asked them to hurt and degrade him, then Keith would be more than enjoying this. But everything about this situation and the guy involved just scream unhealthy and dangerous. Keith had barely had time to breathe before Lotor had been pinning him down. 

'Say that you're a disgusting little slut. And fucking  _listen_ to me when I talk to you, you stupid whore,' Lotor ordered in a snarl, hips moving faster again. 

'I...'  _I don't like it when you call me that. I don't like it when you hit me without asking. I feel uncomfortable._ 'I'm a dirty little slut.' 

Lotor pulled  _hard_ on Keith's hair and started thrusting his hips much rougher and faster, sighing in disappointment behind Keith. He yanked Keith's head up by his hair before shoving it hard back against the mattress. 

'Disgusting. I said disgusting, Keith. You're so fucking stupid, it's unreal. Say  _I'm a disgusting little slut,_ or I'll make sure you don't come tonight.' 

'I-I'm a disgusting little slut,' Keith whimpers, tears brimming in his eyes and he can't fucking tell if they're from pleasure or being genuinely upset. 

'Good boy,' Lotor praises, but he doesn't loosen his tight grip on Keith's hair. 'A fucking stupid, useless boy, but a good one at least. At least you're good at taking cock, right? You're so lucky you have such a good, tight little hole, otherwise you'd be completely fucking useless, wouldn't you?' 

'Y-Yeah,' Keith responds with a whimper, thankful that Lotor is doing a good job at fucking him, otherwise this experience would be complete shit.

'Yeah what, baby boy?' 

'Y-Yeah, it's good that I'm good at taking cock because otherwise I would be u-useless.' Keith's voice breaks as he speaks, and the tears in his eyes were now dripping down his face.

'Aww, are you crying, baby? Did I hurt your feelings? Am I being too rough?' 

Oh, so he did know he was being a jackass. He just didn't care. Wonderful. 

'I-I'm fine,' Keith says, because his pride seemed to outweigh everything, all the time.

'Sure. I believe you.' As if to punctuate his point, Lotor pulls hard on Keith's hair and shoves him harder against the mattress.

Keith whimpers, but he can feel himself getting close anyway - that familiar heat pooling in the pit of his stomach. 

'I-I'm... Can you touch my cock, please, Lotor?' Keith begs, whimpering and pushing back against the man.

'No. You can come from my cock or you can not come. Don't be fucking ungrateful, Keith,' Lotor lets go of Keith's hair and grips his other hip, grunting as his trusts become messy and erratic; he's clearly approaching his own orgasm too. It just so happens that these new thrusts are aimed right at Keith's prostate, which causes the latter to mewl and moan with every thrust in. It only takes a few more moments for Keith to come, hole tightening around Lotor as he came on his sheets. Lotor grunts particularly loudly and his thrusts gradually slow; Keith takes this as a hint that he's come, too, and tries to pull away. He feels used, and exhausted.

Lotor pulled out, took off his condom and chucked it in the bin. He grabbed a hair-tie from his bedside table and put his hair up in a bun before sighing and looking at Keith. 

'I guess you need me to help you, huh,' he says with a laugh, rolling Keith onto his back and untying the shirt around his wrists. Keith instantly brings his hands down to his chest, before trying to sit up. Lotor pushes him backwards before he has a chance, though, sighing again. He got a tissue from the tissue box on the bedside table and wiped the residual cum off Keith's stomach, before throwing that in the bin too. 

'You can sit up now,' Lotor says, and Keith wants to hit him for making him feel as though he needed fucking permission. Keith Kogane, the kid who carried a knife in his school bag and who had manslaughter rumours floating around for all of high school was being told what to do from this rich fucking twink. He sat up and stood up, slowly, wincing a little when he realised it hurt lightly to walk. After picking his clothes up from the floor he dressed himself, before glancing at Lotor, who has only bothered to put his underwear back on. 

'We should do this again some time,' Lotor comments, that obnoxious, know-it-all smile on his face again. 

'You want to fuck again?' Keith says in slight disbelief. Lotor had seemed as though the entire thing had been an ordeal for him. 

'Yeah, and the date thing. It was fun.' 

'Uh... sure. Yeah. I'll add you on Facebook or something,' Keith shrugs, deciding to just go along with it, mostly because it was now dawning on him that this was the most human contact he'd had in weeks.

'Sounds good, babe.' 

Keith nods and ends up calling a taxi home; Lotor apparently has work early tomorrow morning, and anyway, why would he want someone like Keith staying in his perfect, clean apartment and sleeping in his perfect, beautiful bed? Keith had done nothing but be frustrating and make a mess since he'd gotten here. As usual.

* * *

When Keith gets home, Shiro is asleep sitting at the dining room table, forehead resting against it with the artificial light of his laptop screen illuminating his face. Keith laughs a little, which wakes Shiro up. He lifts his head, a terrified look on his face until he sees Keith; his expression softens upon seeing his brother, and he gives a smile when he realises the situation.

'Ah. I was busy, and I got a little sleepy, I think...' he explains with a shrug, looking a little embarrassed. 'Where were you?' 

'I had my double date, remember?' Keith steps forward and takes off his jacket, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs. 

'It's eleven, though. Does dinner usually last that long for you?' Shiro asks, eyebrows furrowing a little. Keith had kinda missed having Shiro grill him using  _that concerned dad_ tone; he'd always acted as more of a father than a brother when they were growing up. 

Keith shrugs, not sure how much detail he should go into. 'I... uh. Went home with the guy, we watched a few movies, but he had work so I couldn't stay over.'

Realisation dawns on Shiro and it's evident in the way his expression shifts from concern to vague disgust. 'Right... right. Cool. I'm going to head to bed, then, cause apparently I need sleep.'

'Yeah, cool. I'm gonna grab some left overs and maybe watch a movie, then I'll join you.' 

'Uh... actually. My therapist said... that I should try to be on my own at night. She said it'll be good for me to figure out ways to calm myself down rather than relying on you. Plus, I feel kinda bad keeping you up every night.' 

'You don't need to feel bad, Shiro, I know it's not yo-' 

'I know, I know. I just want to try. I mean, we can't live together forever, y'know? Especially if things get serious with your guy, and if I get a job...'

Getting serious with Lotor... Keith can't think of anything worse, which is majorly depressing, because he's Keith's main ( _only,_ he corrects himself) option at the moment. 

'Yeah, of course. I'm happy you're trying stuff. I never wanna hold you back from recovering and making progress, Shiro. I'll sleep in my own room.' 

Shiro gives a smile and nods, closing his laptop and standing up, scratching his shoulder before nodding again. He's clearly nervous; it must've taken a lot of rehearsing and thinking and hyping himself up to get to this point. 

'Goodnight, Takashi,' Keith says, half to encourage Shiro and half to remind him that he's  _here_ and he's  _safe._ He stepped closer to Shiro and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently before pulling back. He wants to tell him something nice, like  _I'm proud of you,_ or  _you can do it,_ but he doesn't. It wasn't in his nature to say things with words. 

Shiro gave him a small smile as he nods. 'Night, Keith,' he responds before heading to his room. 

Five minutes later, when Keith waiting next to the microwave as he heats up leftovers from the day before, he wonders how his heart can be so filled with love and pride and tenderness yet feel so empty at the same time. How can he feel as though he is making progress and moving on while Hunk and Lance still occupy that carved out crevice in his heart?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's unclear in canon how old lotor is, but in this fic he's going to be 22/23 like keith.
> 
> tl;dr for those with triggers; 
> 
> \- keith goes on a double date with hunk, lance and a blind date (lotor)  
> \- date goes about as well as you'd expect, lots of hunk and lance being grossly (beautifully) in love and keith majorly pining  
> \- keith goes home with lotor, who ends up being... pretty rude in terms of bdsm and dom/sub etiquette. hes coercive and ends up kinda manipulating keith into sex that he's not fully comfortable with. lotor expresses an interest in pursuing a relationship with keith, which will be further explored in later chapters. 
> 
> thanks as always for reading! :) apologies that this chapter took longer to upload, i am experimenting with a longer chapter structure!


	5. pretty boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is pure hance fluff and smut ft. praise kink and more 'baby boy' shtick cause i love it
> 
> have fun :~)

When Hunk and Lance arrive home after dinner, it only takes about ten minutes for them to change into their pyjamas and make themselves comfortable on the couch. Hunk sits with his legs spread out straight on the couch, parted slightly to allow room for Lance to sit with him. Lance sits with his back pressed against his boyfriend's chest, and Hunk's arms settle around Lance's tummy. They watch a movie for awhile, an old favourite; a safe option for when they were both sleepy because they'd seen it so many times that they didn't have to worry about missing the end if they fell asleep. 

'...Hunk?' Lance says about half an hour into the movie, voice soft and sleepy, yet tinged with an unusual hesitance.

'Yeah?' Hunk yawns after speaking, before pressing a gentle kiss to his boyfriends cheek. 

'I feel kinda bad... about tonight.'

'Mmm.'

'I mean, we both know Lotor isn't exactly wonderful, but we set him up with Keith anyway just so we could go on a date with Keith. He went home with him, Hunk. What if...' 

'What if what?' 

'I mean, I don't know, exactly. I'm just worried.'

'You're worried, but you're also jealous, Lance. Just be honest,' despite his bluntness, Lance knows Hunk isn't angry. His boyfriend is just honest. 

'Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm really jealous. I mean... I don't know, I just...' Lance trails off, waving his hands around dismissively.

'You wish he'd come home with us instead. You wish Lotor hadn't been there and it was just the three of us on a date.'

'Yeah. Basically,' Lance sighs after admitting that, rubbing his face tiredly. 

'Me too, babe. But it's just... it's risky, Lance. We don't know how he'll respond.'

'He seemed pretty eager to sleep with us though.'

'Threesomes and polyamory are two different things. You know that. I've spent enough time with the guy to know that he's a little unpredictable, and odd, as much as I love him and want to date him it's just... it's fuckin' risky, Lance. We don't know anything about his family, he doesn't really seem to have any other friends...' 

'You're worried the relationship won't work out and he'll be too reliant on us.' 

'I mean, yeah, to be completely honest with you. I think we're the only friends that he has. We don't even know if he has family. What if we start a relationship with him and it doesn't end up working and we ruin our friendships with him? What if... what if he ends up all on his own, Lance?' 

Lance sighs and rubs his face again. 'You're right.'

'I know, babe. I'm a Capricorn, being right is what I do.'

Lance snorts a little and shakes his head, leaning further back against Hunk. 'Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.'

'I'm sorry about Keith, though. It's kinda upsetting that he's uh, probably fucking Lotor or cuddling him or something right now... I'm trying not to think about it too much,' Hunk admits, pressing another kiss to Lance's cheek, before starting to kiss his jaw. 

'Ah, it's alright. If it's meant to be then... then it'll be. It just- a-ah, Hunk, my man, stop kissing my neck while I'm tryna focus, dude,' Lance complains as Hunk's kisses begin trailing down his neck. 

'But I want to kiss my beautiful boyfriend and distract him from his emo crush,' Hunk responds, the smile evident in his voice as he continues kissing Lance's neck and slides his hand under Lance's pyjama shirt. Lance let out a sigh and arched his back slightly, starting to fidget. Hunk runs his hand up to Lance's chest and runs a thumb over his nipple, to which Lance responds with a whine. 

'Pretty boy... such a good and pretty boy. Making such cute noises. I love you so much,' Hunk praises, starting to shift his hips to grind his half-hard cock against Lance's lower back. Despite how kinky they oftentimes were, they also had soft sex a lot too, especially now that they were older and busier. They didn't always have the energy to bring out the handcuffs and ropes; sometimes they just wanted sleepy sex in the morning, or lazy sex in the evening. Hunk had always lived by the rule that if you can't laugh during sex with your partner then you shouldn't be having sex with them, and this had always been true with Lance. They'd been dating since they were seventeen, and in these five years Hunk had only grown more comfortable around his best friend. 

'Mmm... Hunk. Don't have the energy to fuck properly tonight, can we just...' 

'D'you want a handjob?' Hunk asks as his free hand begins pressing against Lance's crotch gently, waiting for an answer before continuing.

'Mm, yes please. That'd be nice...' Lance replies as he lifts his hips, trying to get Hunk to touch him properly.

'You're so desperate, baby,' Hunk smiles, pressing his palm hard against Lance's now-hard cock. Even after all these years, they both still got hard simply by touching each other. 'It's adorable. My pretty boy getting all desperate and whiny for me.' 

Lance let out a whine and inhaled sharply, lifting his hips again. 'B-babe - Hunk, can you please...' 

Hunk got the hint and slipped his hand under Lance's sweatpants and into his underwear. Lance continues whining and fidgeting until Hunk wraps his hand tight around his cock, and then Lance's whines are replaced by breathy moans. Hunk's hand started moving slowly, his thumb picking up the pre-cum leaking from the head of Lance's cock and spreading it over his shaft, using it as lubrication because they are both _way_ too comfortable and lazy to get up and find the actual lube. His hand maintains a slow pace, squeezing gently every time he reached the base of his boyfriends cock, and his thumb rubbed Lance's sensitive, dripping head at every opportunity. Lance's head tilts back so it is resting against Hunk's shoulder which leaves his neck exposed. Hunk's uses this to his advantage and begins kissing and sucking gently on the skin of Lance's neck, which draws out more moans from Lance. Hunk wishes he could see Lance's face right now; he always looked so pretty when he was all hot and bothered; his eyes would close slightly, his face would flush red and the sheen of sweat that formed on his skin would curl the ends of his hair. Lance was a fucking angel, Hunk was convinced of it. 

'Such a good boy... You sound so pretty, baby boy. D'you like that? You love me touching you, right?' Hunk says, lips close to Lance's neck. His boyfriend responds with an enthusiastic nod as he attempts to catch his breath.

'Y-Yeah... yeah, Hunk. Pl-Please don't stop,' Lance says, voice dropped that octave lower and raspier than usual, tinged with desperation. Hunk couldn't deny Lance when he sounded so beautiful, so his hand didn't stop moving and the pace increased slightly.  

'Very good manners, Lance. You're a polite boy, aren't you? A very good boy, can't believe I got so  _lucky_ with you, baby.' 

Hunk notices the way Lance is tensing up and smirks to himself. After watching Lance come countless times, Hunk knows all the signs of his boyfriends climax - sometimes he thinks he knows Lance better than he knows himself, though he'd never tell him this, because it would likely lead to them bickering for at least a week due to sheer stubbornness. 

'Baby, I'm going to stop, okay?' Hunk warns before slowing his hand to a halt. He is predictably met with an annoyed and confused whine from Lance, who turns to look at him with an irritated expression on his face. 

'What the fuck, Hunk? I was getting close, you dick.'

'I don't wanna get cum on your underwear and have to clean up, we both know we're going to have to go straight to bed after this 'cause neither of us can stay awake after sex. Lemme suck you off.' 

Lance's expression quickly changes and he smiles, nodding. 'Smart.'

Hunk pulls his hands away and Lance turns himself around so he is facing Hunk, who leans down in order to pull out Lance's cock. He grips the base and begins licking at the head, but decides not to tease too much. Mostly because he doesn't have the energy. He opens his mouth and slowly takes Lance into his mouth; he doesn't deepthroat or anything, because again,  _he is sleepy as heck,_ but Lance doesn't seem to mind. 

'H-Hunk, fuck, your mouth is so...' he interrupts himself with a loud moan, hands suddenly finding Hunk's hair. His boyfriends hair was tied up today, it had grown since they'd met in high school and they'd both decided they enjoyed it longer (Lance majorly enjoyed borrowing Hunk's headbands), so it was now shoulder-length. Due to the fact it's tied up, Lance doesn't pull on his boyfriends hair, simply resting his hands on the softness as Hunk pleasures him.

It doesn't take long for Lance to near his climax again.

'H-Hunk! O-Oh,  _god..._ ' Lance exclaims before groaning as he comes in his boyfriends mouth, eyes closing tightly and mouth hanging open as his body tenses up in pleasure. 

Hunk swallows the cum and pulls his mouth away, stroking Lance's sensitive cock a few more times before he pulls away completely and sits up again. Lance looks at him, glancing from his face to his crotch before looking at his face again. 

'Are you...?' Lance asks.

'Nah,' Hunk shakes his head, eyes droopy and voice slowed. 'I'm too tired, I think. I was kinda hard earlier but now I just wanna go to sleep.'

Lance laughs a little, because their domesticity is a little hilarious sometimes. To think that a couple of weeks ago they were having a kinky threesome with their shared crush when they were now falling asleep on the couch in their pyjamas. Sometimes Lance forgot that they were in their early twenties and not their forties.

'Bedtime, then?' Lance asks with a small, loving smile, and Hunk nods at him. The two get up from the couch and head to bed, falling asleep tangled together, their bodies seeming to form one. Ever since they had developed a crush on Keith there had always felt as though their bed was too big. Like a puzzle without the final piece; their final piece was sleeping in a bed alone covered in bruises from a boy who didn't know how to touch him right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it kinda hurts my heart writing this fluffy hance that is probably happening whilst keith is having awful sex with lotor :+( 
> 
> PLS just communicate guys you are all in love u could be having so much fun but ur not,,, oh wait that's my fault. oops.


	6. how do i come out as lonely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for; 
> 
> \- non-consensual stuff at the beginning  
> \- abuse (manipulation, sexual, physical)

If Lance and Hunk were comparable to comets suddenly bumbling into Keith's life, then Lotor would be comparable to the sun. All consuming, burning, swallowing Keith up whole.

It's a Monday morning, two weeks after Keith's date with Lotor.

Keith had woken up at 3am to Lotor trying to pull down his pyjama pants. Was late-night/early-morning sex something normal couples did sometimes? Yes. Did it usually start while one party was asleep? No. But nothing about their relationship resembled a  _normal couple._ For one, they'd never actually said they were dating. Lotor had just started sending Keith texts like  _'wish you were here' 'if you cared about me you'd come see me'_ and  _'if you don't come over i'll hurt myself'._

Keith had work later this day, later during regular human hours, which is why he'd tried his very hardest not to start an argument with Lotor about his issue with consent. Usually their arguments ended with Keith calling in sick to work. He didn't want to have to explain the bruises to Lance, and the make-up he owned that he could potentially cover the bruises with was at home, with Shiro, which would take even more convincing Lotor to get to. 

Lotor was convinced, because Keith wouldn't tell him whether Shiro was his adoptive brother or his blood brother, that they obviously weren't related at all. When he'd said this, Keith had used all the strength he had to hold back from screaming at this rich, entitled freak that Shiro is the only person resembling family that Keith knows. That, when people say the word _home_ , Keith's mind makes an automatic link to Shiro's face, Shiro holding him at twelve years old after a nightmare, Shiro, Shiro, Shiro. 

'Lotor, what are you doing?' Keith mumbled, voice thick with sleep. 

'Go back to sleep, babe,' he responds, and Keith feels him begin to tug on his pants again. This is when Keith decides enough is enough, and he shoves Lotor's hands away and sits up, glaring at his... boyfriend? 

'No, Lotor. What the fuck are you doing?' 

Lotor's expression hardened and Keith's stomach dropped. He was determined to see this through despite how scared he felt, but _god damn_ was it hard.

'I'm sorry for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend? God,' Lotor crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. His voice had a firm edge to it; an edge that made Keith want to crawl under the sheets and hide.

'I was  _asleep._ '

'You're into kinky stuff, though.'

'I'm into bondage and stuff, sure, _not_ being fucked while I'm asleep and haven't consented? Are you fucking insane?' Keith, in the logical part of his mind,  _knows_ this is a bad idea. Snapping at his short-tempered boyfriend? Probably near the top of his list of Bad Decisions. But the red, angry, burning part of his mind just wants Lotor to know how _small_ he's making Keith feel.

'We're dating, it's not like I need to ask every time we have sex. Plus, you always want it, don't you? You're like, the biggest slut I know.'

Keith falls silent for a few moment, not trusting his voice to stay steady.

Lotor takes these silent moments to shift closer to Keith, pressing a hand against Keith's clothed cock. This elicits a surprised groan from the latter, who tries to push the hand away but is stopped by Lotor's other hand grabbing his wrists tightly. Panic rises in Keith's chest and he whines, kicking at Lotor's thighs in an attempt to put some distance between them. Lotor's hand  _does_ move away from his cock then, but rather than pulling away completely, the hand grabs Keith's jaw tightly, eyes narrowed at the boy. As though Keith were a bug to be squashed; just a problem to be gotten rid of. Any fight Keith had left was just stubbornness yet to be stomped out.

' _Lotor,'_ Keith begs, hating the desperation creeping into his voice. ' _Please._ I'll suck you off, yeah? You can - You can make me choke and cry, okay? Just - I  _can't_ have sex right now, please, I have work later and it'll hurt and I just - I don't  _want_ to, Lotor,  _please.'_

Lotor tightens his grip on Keith's jaw and Keith is unable to hold back the scared noise he makes in the back of his throat; the whimper that makes him feel five years old all over again. Lotor was the only person able to reduce Keith to such a raw,  _terrified_ version of himself.

'You're such a fucking brat,' Lotor spits, letting go of Keith's jaw and holding up his open hand as a threat, pausing as though waiting for an apology. 'Your face is finally all pretty again, do you really want to ruin it? You won't get to go to work and see your friends with a split lip, will you? Better to be in a bit of pain that no one can see, rather than be all bruised up again. Plus, I think I  _deserve_ to fuck you after having you stay here all week. It's not like you're paying rent. Might as well make up for all the electricity, water and clothes I've wasted on you in some other way.' Lotor lowers his hand and slips it into Keith's pyjama pants, gripping his cock firmly as he leaned down and began nibbling at Keith's ear.

 Keith's eyes begin to water but he stops fidgeting, trying his best to stay still. Playing dead seemed the best way to get this over and done with; plus, in some ways, Lotor  _was_ right. Sex seemed to be the only thing Keith was good for - it's not as though he was able to provide Lotor with jokes, or emotional support, or interesting conversation. Might as well just play the role of  _good boyfriend_ long enough for his boyfriend to come.

So he does. He stays still, and quiet, and good for Lotor. Moans at the right times, doesn't complain when he's treated like an object, tries to keep his crying as quiet as possible. And, when Lotor is finished, they both climb back under the sheets and cuddle as though they're happy. He supposes it's not too much of a challenge for Lotor. 

* * *

Early shifts were always awful. Early shifts were even  _worse_ when you were sore and tired and on your way to a shift with your unrequited crush.

Keith slides out of bed at 6am and ties his hair back into a ponytail, because it's greasy and he knows that if he tries to shower right now he'll just end up crying again. His own clothes became lost somewhere among Lotor's house, they might be in the washing, or Lotor might have just thrown them away. He wouldn't doubt it if it was the latter; it  _would_ be a good way of burning away more of Keith's identity and independence. So, Keith takes a risk and grabs some of Lotor's clean clothes, pulls them on and leaves the house. 

When he arrives at work, Lance has already opened the store and appears to be setting up everything in the kitchen. Keith takes a deep breath before walking inside, telling himself over and over that  _everything is fine._ The two of them have half an hour to set everything up before the store officially opens, which Keith is thankful for, because he needs some time to mentally prepare himself for human interaction.

'Hey, buddy!' Lance grins when he sees Keith, and  _god,_ Keith feels so relieved seeing a familiar face again that he could start crying right here and now.

'Hey, Lance,' he gave a genuine smile back, features softening to accomodate a fondness that had been foreign to him the past week or so. He still feels the weight of the world heavy on his shoulders, pushing the heels of his feet into the ground, but the world feels a little lighter with Lance around. 

'How have you been? I haven't seen you for ages!' Then, as though remembering something he had been trying to forget, he continues. 'How are things going with Lotor?' 

'I'm, ah, I'm good. And Lotor is good, yeah. He's my boyfriend now. We're really happy.' Keith isn't sure if he's trying to convince  _Lance_ or  _himself_ , but knows it isn't working either way. 'How are you?' 

'I'm good,' Lance nodded, but has apparently picked up on all the uncertainty in Keith's tone. 'Are you, uh,  _sure_ you're okay? Lotor isn't really... he's not very trustworthy, y'know? And like, if he tried something weird, or has been treating you badly then you can tell me, I'll believe you.' 

Keith really, honestly considers it for a moment. But if he leaves Lotor, he'll be all alone all over again. Just him and Shiro, just the empty space following him around. He doesn't think he can handle that right now.

'I'm fine,' he says with a smile, but his voice shakes a little. 

'I just... uh. There are lots of people who love you - you don't have to be with Lotor just because he's interested in you. Other people are - I mean, other people are probably interested in you too. I mean, come on, me and Hunk found you cute enough to wanna fuck you. Not that it meant anything, obviously! But yeah.' 

'Not that it meant anything,' Keith repeated quietly, scratching the back of his neck. 'I mean,  _obviously,_ why would it have meant anything? You _only_ both fucked me, I _only_ made both of you come. No biggie.'

Lance nervously laughs and looks at Keith as though he is waiting for a punchline. When he realises one isn't coming, he frowns and reaches a hand out to touch Keith's arm. Keith flinches and glares at Lance, taking a step back and crossing his arms. 

'I - I... It was  _always_ just casual, Keith. I even said, beforehand, y'know. _Don't let it get awkward_ and all that. I thought you said you were happy with Lotor?' 

'I thought I said that too, but apparently you weren't listening, or something, because you keep fucking  _pushing._ What do you want me to say, Lance? Do you  _want_ him to be abusing me just so you can step in and save me?  _God,_ just back off! I'm sorry that you and Hunk need to bring a third person into your sex life to stay interested in each other, but Lotor and I are  _actually_ happy, so just leave me alone?' 

Lance pauses for a moment, processing everything Keith had said. This isn't the first time Lance has been on the receiving end of Keith snapping, but it doesn't make it any easier.

'I, uh, I used to date Lotor, Keith. He wasn't... very good to me. I'm still friends with him, because all of mine and Hunk's friends are friends with him, and I don't want to make a big deal out of it and cause drama. And I thought maybe he'd changed, which is why I set him up with  _you._ But it doesn't seem like he has, I mean, you haven't come into work for a  _week,_ Keith, and your temper is as bad as it used to be.'

'That's so fucked up,' Keith mumbles, swallowing any urge he had to cry. 'He abused you, or whatever, and you set me up on a  _date_ with him? What, you were  _so_ worried about me getting attached to you after the threesome that you set me up with a fucking  _rapist?'_

'Rapist? Woah, woah, who mentioned _rape_? He was manipulative and called me some names, but he never touched me. He wasn't physically abusive or anything, and he never... Keith, is he...?'

'Fuck  _off,'_ Keith spits, wiping his eyes when tears begin dripping down his face. 'You're so fucking stupid, I can't believe you're so fucking self-obsessed that you thought I'd fall in love with you as soon as your dick was in my mouth!' 

'That's  _not_ what happened!' Lance raises his voice, and Keith recoils. 'I didn't - that's not why - you don't get it...! Hunk and I wanted to hang out with you, so we thought a double date would be the easiest, we weren't trying to distract you from us...' 

'You could have just  _asked_ me to hang out, you fucking idiot. You know, like a normal person?' 

'That's not...' Lance pauses and shakes his head, cheeks flushed bright red. 'We wanted to go on a date with you,' he mumbles, shaking his head again. 'We thought maybe if you saw us in  _that_ way, hung out with us outside of work and saw us being all romantic or whatever that you might start thinking about us in a romantic way. But then you went home with him, and we didn't see you for an entire week, and now you're dating him and... I missed my chance. I was too scared, was too worried you wouldn't be on board with the poly thing and now you're... He's hurting you and it's  _my_ fault.' 

Lance expects Keith to hit him, or walk away, or yell at him some more. Definitely does  _not_ expect him to start laughing. 

'Why are you laughing?!' 

'You're so stupid,' Keith says, tears still rolling down his face even as he's laughing. He can see the ridiculousness of the situation, but it doesn't stop the reality of everything that had happened to him from hitting him all at once. ' _I'm_ so stupid, oh my fucking god, Lance, I... I've liked you and Hunk ever since I met you, that's why I agreed to the threesome, that's why I agreed to the date with Lotor. I was trying to get over you, I...' Keith put his head in his shaking hands, unable to stop the tears from coming. 

Lance steps forward and wraps his arms around Keith tightly, rubbing his back gently. They could talk about everything later - some time when they weren't both crying and angry, when Keith was safe and ready to talk about everything. Right now, Lance just needed to calm Keith down enough so that they could both work. They had both been waiting months and months and months to admit these feelings to each other; waiting another six hours for their shift to end hardly felt like anything at all. Well, _shouldn't_ have felt like anything at all. But they both found themselves counting down the minutes anyway; Lance craving the freedom their confessions would bring the three of them and excited for the future of their relationship, Keith just hoping for somebody to listen, for somebody to finally  _see_ him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it seems like keith was too casual about his rape in this chapter. in my opinion, keith would likely detach himself from his emotions in a situation like this, especially in a highly emotional, stressful scene like this one. his trauma recovery will definitely be explored in later chapters, his abuse/rape wasn't just used for shock value. again, trauma is very close to my heart and portraying it correctly is very important to me. 
> 
> thanks for reading x


	7. human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro starts rubbing Keith's back, trying his best to comfort without using many words. He knew Keith like the back of his hand, and knew that for all his bravado, all his fake smiles and bruised knuckles and 'don't touch me', there was a scared kid still inside him that might just fall apart all over again if Shiro were to say anything too nice to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed my dialogue thingies in this to " bc i realised that the ' were confusing and i didn't like how they looked

"Excuse me?!" Lotor's voice was raised and his hands in fists at his sides, expression hardened enough for Keith's heart to feel as though it was beating in his throat.

"I... I said I want to break up. You're not... You're not good to me and I don't want to be with you anymore."

"No." 

"... _No_? You can't say _no_ , Lotor, you don't have a choice in this." 

"But we love each other. I don't see what reason you'd possibly have to break up with me - I thought we were happy, Keith. What, am I not enough for you? I might as well kill myself if you're going to leave me just because of a little fight. Just proves how worthless I really am."

"You're - You don't believe that. You know what you're doing is wrong, you just... You don't  _care,_ Lotor, and that's fucked up! You wouldn't do all of this if you loved me, you wouldn't hurt me and... and make me do things that I don't want to do, and make me  _feel_ the way that you make me feel. I love you, sure, maybe a little, but we've known each other not even a month and during the time we've been dating I've probably cried more than I have in the rest of my life. And you can't _make_ me stay here, Lotor, it's not  _fair!_ I've spent the past two weeks here, haven't seen my brother for that long, all because of  _you._  Maybe you love me too, I'm not going to argue with you about that, but you don't care about me. If you cared about me then you'd understand why I can't stay with you." Keith reached for the suitcase that he'd packed while Lotor was out, but Lotor grabbed his wrist tightly. 

"You're just leaving me for Lance and Hunk, aren't you? You're such a clingy little  _slut_ that you need  _two_ guys to keep you happy. I put all this  _effort_ into making you happy - I let you  _live_ with me, Keith, and  _this_ is how you pay me back. You're fucked up. It makes sense that you're so _selfish_ , I guess growing up with no parents and a fucked up brother will do that to you, won't it?" Lotor snapped at Keith, letting go of his wrist and instead crossing his arms. "Fine.  _Leave._ Don't come running back to me when they realise how awful you are." 

Keith wiped away the tears threatening to spill and shook his head, grabbing his suitcase. He pulled it to his car and put it in the boot, before getting in the drivers seat and resting his head on the steering wheel as he burst into tears. 

What was it going to be now? More nights spent alone with Shiro watching movies? Lotor _had_ been right after-all, Keith  _needed_ Lotor. Sure, Hunk and Lance were interested in him, but that didn't mean anything. He didn't know if they wanted anything  _serious_ with him, they might just want a third player during sex. Although, if he was being completely honest, he wouldn't turn them down. He didn't have the strength to. He was desperate and in love and he didn't care  _how_ he spent time with the two of them, he just needed to.

He sat up with a sigh and wiped his eyes, forcing his tears down. He needed to get home. He needed to see his brother and make sure he was okay. He sighed again, giving a final look at Lotor's apartment before turning his key in the ignition, stepping on the accelerator and driving home.

* * *

 ** _lancey lance_ , 1:47PM: ** _hey bud! hows it goin?? did u break up with him yet??_

 ** _lancey lance_ , 2:16PM: ** _whats up_ _keith, just making sure everything went well with lotor and the break up. text me back soon cause im a little worried tbh_ **  
**

_** lancey lance,  ** _ **2:49PM** _ **:** sorry to bug u again, just a little worried cause u told me u were gunna break up with him at one thirty so its been more than an hour. maybe you guys are just having a chat. let me know when you see these, pls! _

 _**lancey lance,**_ **3:35** **PM** _ **:**_ _i really hate to bother you cause your phone is probably just dead or ur probably just asleep or busy but im getting worried. if he hurt you or anything then i can come pick you up, ill bring hunk too. you have us here for you ok? we'll help you get away from him. i know u don't rly need our help cause ur a scary intimidating guy who carries a knife but abuse does weird stuff to ppl sometimes. please text back soon_

 _** lancey lance,  ** _ **5:06** **PM** _ **:** please be okay_

Keith is laying on the couch, a fluffy blanket draped over him as a movie plays on the TV and tears drip down his cheeks. He's not even watching the movie, it's only on so he can fill the empty space and all of the silence. 

He should text Lance back. Every time his phone vibrated with a notification his stomach panged with guilt but it felt as though he was almost physically incapable. He'd been laying in this spot for hours, now, just replaying every fucked up thing that had happened with Lotor. All the times he'd pinned Keith down, had made him beg for something he didn't want, had made him apologise for  _'making'_ Lotor hurt him. 

They had spent less than a month together. Insignificant. A fling; unworthy of even being called a relationship. 

 _And yet._ It still hurt to leave him and think about him. Keith  _knew_ it was because of the abuse and that otherwise he wouldn't give a fuck. If Lotor hadn't drilled this sense of codependence and desperateness into Keith then he wouldn't think twice about leaving him. 

He should have fought back. He should have tried harder. They could have had something good if Keith hadn't been so pathetic, and he  _hates_ this, that he's crying alone with some rom-com playing in the background. His life shouldn't be like this; he's twenty two, he should be out having fun.

The door opens and Keith sighs, wiping the tears away from his eyes and sitting up. He smiled at Shiro when he walked in, trying to make it convincing, trying to make it  _sorry-I-disappeared-for-weeks-without-telling-you._  To make it brave. 

Shiro, in the way that he always seems to do without really ever trying, always at the wrong times, sees through it. 

"Keith..." He says softly, in that voice that makes Keith feel like a twelve year old with a scraped knee all over again. "Where have you been? You didn't answer any of my texts... You couldn't have at least text me to say you were okay. That you were  _alive._ " 

He sounds so  _worried._ It tugs on something in Keith and he bursts into tears again, covering his face with his hands as he cries.

Shiro steps around to the other side of the couch, sits down and pulls Keith into his arms. He rubs his back as his little brother sobs. Figures they'll talk later. Sometimes words could take a back seat. 

* * *

After half an hour of Keith crying into Shiro's shoulder, the former sits up and wipes his eyes, sniffing and wiping his eyes tiredly. 

"I'm sorry for disappearing," he says quietly, voice croaky.

Shiro doesn't move the arm around his brother, wanting to keep him close. No one could blame him, really, considering the way the universe kept tearing them apart.

"You don't need to be sorry. I'll consider us even now," Shiro replies, and both of them give a sad laugh. "Are you okay?"

Keith sighs. "No, not really." He doesn't know how to approach this without starting to cry and panic again. "That guy I went out on a date with, that I told you about. He turned out to uh..." He pauses, feeling the choking feeling from earlier resurfacing. He doesn't fight it, though, just lets his voice crack and a tear roll down his cheek as he continues talking. He had to get this out. "He wasn't a very nice guy, as it happens. He wouldn't let me leave. And he uh, did some bad stuff."

Shiro starts rubbing Keith's back, trying his best to comfort without using many words. He knew Keith like the back of his hand, and knew that for all his bravado, all his fake smiles and bruised knuckles and  _'don't touch me',_ there was a scared kid still inside him that might just fall apart all over again if Shiro were to say anything _too_ nice to him. 

"I'm glad you're home now," Shiro says gently, looking over to the coffee table as he hears Keith's phone vibrating. He picks it up, looking at the screen for a moment before handing it to Keith. "You should probably answer those. Someone called  _Lancey Lance_ is getting pretty worried about you."

Keith, secretly thankful to Shiro for always telling him what he already knew, unlocked his phone and texted out a reply. 

 _** keith,  ** _ **5:43** **PM** _**:** hey. i'm fine. i'm at home._

 _** lancey lance,  ** _ **5:44** **PM:** _at your home-home? or lotor's home?_

 _** keith,  ** _ **5:44** **PM:** ~~_my home. i'm okay. thank you for being patient with me. it means the world._ ~~

_** keith,  ** _ **5:44** **PM:** ~~_did you mean what you said about liking me or were you just saying it to make me feel better?_ ~~

_** keith,  ** _ **5:44** **PM:** ~~_are you going to leave me now that im damaged_ ~~

Keith sighed, deleting yet another attempt at a message and deciding to just keep things simple. No use trying to be a better person in this state.

 _** keith,  ** _ **5:44** **PM:** _home-home. i'm safe._

He turned off his phone again, then, putting it back on the table. He rubbed his face and ran a hand through his hair, not wanting to even imagine what he must look like right now. 

"What am I going to  _do,_ Shiro?" Keith asked quietly, ignoring how completely  _pathetic_ he sounded. "I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I think about something, or try to distract myself, he's  _there,_ he's... I can't - Isn't it bad enough that it happened? Why do I have to keep experiencing it in my head, too?"

"Yeah. I, uh, _yeah_ , Keith. _Me too._  But it's... If being through what we've both been through has given us anything it's that we can get through it. Therapy helps, too, and I've started medication and my nightmares have been better. It's almost like putting _you_ aside for a bit and becoming this hypothetical better version of you, just for a bit. Just for long enough to improve slightly," Shiro pauses, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. "It's not going to be easy. Not at all. But it's going to be worth it, and one day you'll look back and thank yourself for getting help and getting better. I think we've both spent too long wallowing."

Keith gives a sad laugh and a nod, shaking his head gently. "Yeah. For awhile I felt like we were entitled to it, but there is a limit on self pity. I think we surpassed that awhile ago."

"I agree."

They sit in comfortable, bitter silence for a few moments before Shiro stands up.

"I'm making some coffee. D'you want a drink?"

"Can you make me a hot chocolate, please? Like the ones you used to make when I was little?"

Shiro smiles and nods, turning the kettle on.

Keith thinks maybe these few weeks were supposed to happen like this. As though, as awful and horrible as he was, Lotor _had_ to happen to wake him up to everything. To wake him up.  
Keith thinks maybe he's been sleeping through life too long.

The next day, Keith has a day off work. He knows Lance does, too, because they'd been talking earlier in the week about plans. He should text him and plan something. But every instinct is telling him not to; he has learnt to shut himself away so easily that it feels wrong to be seen. And making plans with somebody who knows that you are in love with them seems like the most ' _seen_ ' you could possibly be.

But it's with a strike of pure impulse - maybe loneliness, or fear - over cornflakes at 10am that he picks up his phone and texts him.  
  
**_keith,_ 10:01am: **hey, lance. no pressure or anything if you're busy, but we could maybe do something today if you wanted? just hang out, get lunch maybe? lowkey

Keith tries to ignore the stupid, immature butterflies in his stomach as he waits for a reply, which ends up taking not much time at all, because Lance tended to be pretty fast at replying to messages.

 ** _lancey lance,_ 10:02am:** keith!

 ** _lancey lance,_ 10:02am:** i am, as it happens, NOT busy today. lucky you. u should come over. hunk is home too, but i can totally get rid of him if thats a lil too full on for you today  
  
**_keith_ , 10:04am:** excuse you, hunk is never too full on for me. or anybody, probably. i can come over. give me like, half an hour to get dressed though  
  
**_lancey lance,_ 10:04am: ** ooo ;;)  
  
**_keith_ , 10:05am:** i'm in my pyjamas you creep  
  
_**lancey lance,**_ **10:05am:** ;)) sure ;) ur secrets safe with me  
  
Keith rolled his eyes and put his phone down, taking another bite of his cereal. He looked up when Shiro walked in, expecting him to have just woken up, definitely not expecting him to walk out in a button-up and nice jeans and a smile. He hadn't seen _this_ Shiro since he was a teenager.

"Hey, you didn't have to dress up just to have breakfast with me, y'know," Keith teases, looking his brother up and down again.

Shiro laughs, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm getting brunch with someone," he says shyly, avoiding eye contact with Keith.

Keith has been waiting for this to happen for so long - has been hoping for it to happen - but now that it _is_ it feels an awful lot like being left behind. Shiro was the only person who truly needed Keith, what would happen when he suddenly didn't anymore? 

He doesn't say this, though. Despite his concerns, he _is_ happy for Shiro. 

"Oh! That's so exciting, who is it?"

"This guy from a dating app. Matt. This is our second date. He's really - I like him a lot. I'm trying, like, so hard not to mess everything up."

"That's good, Shiro. Well, have fun. Stay safe." 

 Shiro nodded, picking up his jacket from the back of one of the dining room chairs and giving Keith a small wave before leaving.

And then, seamlessly, _it was there again_ , as though it had never left at all. That tugging fucking _loneliness_ , the feeling of  _can't,_ and  _need,_ and  _please don't fucking leave me all on my own again, he said this would happen, he told me nobody loved me, why didn't I **listen?**_

Then, before he has a chance to register it, tears are dripping down his face and his hands are shaking and - and - he doesn't know how he became  _this._ For fucks sakes, his parents _died_  and he didn't cry this much. He hated himself for letting that rich brat fuck him up so badly. 

It's his phone vibrating that snaps him out of it. Shiro was calling him. 

"Hello?" Keith said, making his voice sound as normal as he could manage. 

"Hey, Keith," Shiro said back cheerily. Keith hadn't heard him this happy for years. "I forgot my keys. D'you mind leaving the door unlocked if you go out anywhere?" 

"Sure."

"Thanks! Seeya!" 

He hung up before Keith had the chance to say goodbye.

After slowly getting up off his chair, Keith head to his room to change. All he had were dirty clothes, considering he hadn't been home in weeks, but Lance and Hunk would just have to put up with it. He pulled on a black T-shirt and black jeans, sprayed himself with deodorant and looked at himself in his bedroom mirror.

He still didn't look like himself. Didn't feel like himself, either, but he was more worried about how different he looked. His injuries were healing, slowly but surely, and he didn't have to limp around anymore, but when he looked at himself in the mirror he didn't recognise the boy looking back at him. He looked tired, more scared than usual, and Keith didn't know how to cope with the fact that he might never be the person he used to be.

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing; he had never really liked the person he used to be.

But he wasn't sure he liked this person either.

Either way, he had to get to Hunk and Lance's place soon, so he swallowed his fear and tucked any aspect of _victim_ he possessed away for a bit. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

* * *

 

"Keith!" Lance said when he opened the door to let the boy in. He stepped to the side, so Keith walked inside, smiling at him and waving shyly at Hunk when he saw him in the background on the couch. _Their house was as warm as ever_ , Keith noted as he looked around. Blankets draped over the couch, shoes tucked neatly away in the hallway, soft smiles on both of their faces. Keith hated how angry it still made him. Though, he was fairly sure he was only angry because he wanted so badly to be a part of it.

"Hi," he said, following Lance into the lounge room. "Hey Hunk."

"Hey, Keith," Hunk replied, nodding.

"Damn, you guys are acting like you're strangers. We've literally all slept together, chill out!" Lance teased, laughing. Keith shook his head and laughed a little.

"It's just awkward. I haven't seen Keith since we slept together, or since I found out he likes us."

Keith's heart sunk a little and he turned his head to look at Lance, furrowing his eyebrows with a frown. "You... told him?"

"Well, uh, yeah. I thought it was fine to tell him. Was it not?"

"I don't - I mean, it's fine, I guess, I just wish I had been able to tell him in my own time. Which I guess isn't fair because you found out, but you weren't meant to either... I only told you because everything was so overwhelming and intense and I just needed to - to have control over that one part of my life. So I guess I'm kind of pissed off that you took that control away," Keith said, words mushing together slightly with how fast he spoke, but he was fairly sure Lance understood where he was coming from. "But I know you didn't mean to," he added at the end, worried what would happen if he ended up upsetting Lance. He had already spoken too much with telling them that he was upset, he didn't need to also end up somehow making them angry.

"I'm sorry, Keith. If I'd have known that it was important to you then I wouldn't have told him," Lance spoke so sincerely that it almost made Keith want to cry.

"Yeah, I understand," Keith replied with a nod, sitting down next to Hunk.

What Keith didn't know was that Hunk and Lance had no idea that he was still healing.

So when, after an hour of talking and laughing and forgetting for a bit, Hunk put a hand on Keith's thigh, he panicked. He tensed up and didn't move; he was too scared that if he looked at Hunk then he would see him looking back at him - that he would be trapped all over again.

He didn't move until Hunk's hand edged up further, at which point he couldn't hold back his panic.

"Please don't," he mumbled, quickly wiping his tears away. He couldn't let the two of them see him be weak like this. "I don't want to, please."

Hunk instantly removed his hand and gave Keith space, watching him carefully. He glanced at Lance for a moment, wondering what to do to calm Keith down, before looking back at him.

"You don't have to. We don't have to do anything, Keith. It's alright," he reassured gently. 

"I'm sorry. I can, uh, give you guys head or something, I just don't want to be touched right now - I can't be touched right now," Keith says breathlessly, still not looking at either of them.

"Keith," Lance says slowly, getting up to go to sit next to him, but pausing when he noticed how Keith flinched.

"I said I'm sorry," Keith practically begged, hands going up to his face, almost as though he was shielding himself. "Please."

"Nothing is going to happen." Lance sat next to him, putting a hand on the boy's arm in an attempt to draw him out of his fear. "You're safe here. We're not going to force you to do anything, we're not doing anything sexual if you're not in the mood to, and we're not going to hurt you for it. Stay with me, Keith, say yes if you understand, okay?"

"Yes," Keith mumbled, catching his breath for a moment before leaning on Lance, starting to cry into his chest before he had a chance to consider how embarrassed he would be once he was in a better headspace.

Either way, Hunk and Lance sat either side of him and comforted him until he calmed down, murmuring that Keith was fine, and he was safe, and that he was far, far away from Lotor now.

When he was calm, and his brain was working logically again, Keith _was_  a little embarrassed. But he was too full of love to dwell on it. As an angry teenager, he never would have guessed that his twenty-something self would be able to fall so deeply in love, especially with _two_ people. Yet, with every experience he shared with Hunk and Lance he only found himself wishing more and more that he were part of their life.

It was unhealthy, maybe, to depend on people so much, but after such a long time on his own Keith couldn't see the harm in it. He knew how to be on his own and how to hold himself up. It was just nice to lean on people for awhile. Perhaps Hunk and Lance would be able to be those people for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh thanks for reading? sorry that this was so late? sorry for my over-use of italics? next chapter will be in like a month probably and will be about keith getting therapy and his relationship with hance,, hopefully u liked this chapter???


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